Where Are the Customers' Yachts? or A Good Hard Look at Wall Street by Fred Schw

Description: Where Are the Customers' Yachts? or A Good Hard Look at Wall Street by Fred Schwed "Once I picked it up I did not put it down until I finished... What Schwed has done is capture fully-in deceptively clean language-the lunacy at the heart of the investment business. FORMAT Hardcover LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Publisher Description "Once I picked it up I did not put it down until I finished . . .What Schwed has done is capture fully-in deceptively cleanlanguage-the lunacy at the heart of the investment business."-Fromthe Foreword by Michael Lewis, Bestselling author of LiarsPoker This hilarious portrait of everyday Wall Street and its denizensrings as true today as it did when it was first published in 1940.Writing with a rare mixture of wry cynicism and bonhomiereminiscent of Mark Twain and H. L. Mencken, Fred Schwed, Jr.,skewers everyone including himself in his brilliant send-ups ofbankers, brokers, traders, investors, analysts, and haplesscustomers. "How great to have a reissue of a hilarious classic that proves themore things change the more they stay the same. Only the names havebeen changed to protect the innocent." -Michael BloombergPresident, Bloomberg, LP ". . . one of the funniest books ever written about WallStreet."-Jane Bryant Quinn, The Washington Post "Its amazing how well Schweds book is holding up after 55 years.About the only thing thats changed on Wall Street is thatcomputers have replaced pencils and graph paper. Otherwise, thebasics are the same. The investors need to believe somebody ismatched by the financial advisors need to make a nice living. Ifone of them has to be disappointed, its bound to be theformer."-John Rothchild, Author, A Fool and His Money FinancialColumnist, Time magazine "A delightful classic and reminder of excesses past and how littlethings change." -Bob Farrell, Senior Vice President, Merrill Lynch Back Cover "Once I picked it up I did not put it down until I finished . . . What Schwed has done is capture fully--in deceptively clean language--the lunacy at the heart of the investment business."--From the Foreword by Michael Lewis, Bestselling author of Liars Poker This hilarious portrait of everyday Wall Street and its denizens rings as true today as it did when it was first published in 1940. Writing with a rare mixture of wry cynicism and bonhomie reminiscent of Mark Twain and H. L. Mencken, Fred Schwed, Jr., skewers everyone including himself in his brilliant send-ups of bankers, brokers, traders, investors, analysts, and hapless customers. Critical Praise . . . "How great to have a reissue of a hilarious classic that proves the more things change the more they stay the same. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."--Michael Bloomberg, President, Bloomberg, LP ". . . one of the funniest books ever written about Wall Street."--Jane Bryant Quinn, The Washington Post "Its amazing how well Schweds book is holding up after 55 years. About the only thing thats changed on Wall Street is that computers have replaced pencils and graph paper. Otherwise, the basics are the same. The investors need to believe somebody is matched by the financial advisors need to make a nice living. If one of them has to be disappointed, its bound to be the former."--John Rothchild, Author, A Fool and His Money Financial Columnist, Time magazine "Where Are the C-C-Customers Yachts? is a g-g-great read."--Charles Ellis, Managing Partner, Greenwich Associates "A delightful classic and reminder of excesses past and how little things change."--Bob Farrell, Senior Vice President, Merrill Lynch Where Are the Customers Yachts? "Wall Street, reads the sinister old gag, is a street with a river at one end and a graveyard at the other. This is striking, but incomplete. It omits the kindergarten in the middle, and thats what this book is about." --Fred Schwed, Jr. Written by Fred Schwed, Jr., a professional trader who had the good sense to get out after losing a bundle in the crash of 1929, this hilarious portrait of Wall Street and its denizens rings as true today as it did when it was first published in 1940. Writing with a rare mixture of wry cynicism and bonhomie reminiscent of Mark Twain and H. L. Mencken, Schwed skewers everyone including himself in his vivid depictions of the bankers, brokers, traders, investors, analysts, and hapless customers. Just listen to his take on the conservative banker: The conservative banker is an impressive specimen. In times of stress, when everybody needs money, he strives to avoid lending, but usually makes an exception to the United States government. Likewise, in prosperous times, he is a mighty liberal lender--so liberal that years later unfriendly committees ask him what he thought he was thinking about, and he is unable to remember. . . . or his witty assessment of technical analysis: It is the popular feeling on Wall Street that chart readers are pretty occult professionals but that somehow most of them are broke. "If you have the bad taste to ask [one] how it happens that he is broke, he tells you quite ingenuously that he made the all too human error of not believing his own charts." Its easy to see why, more than a half-century after it first appeared, Where Are the Customers Yachts? continues to be hailed by market insiders as the funniest and most penetrating send-up of Wall Street ever penned. Flap "Once I picked it up I did not put it down until I finished . . . What Schwed has done is capture fully--in deceptively clean language--the lunacy at the heart of the investment business."--From the Foreword by Michael Lewis, Bestselling author of Liars Poker This hilarious portrait of everyday Wall Street and its denizens rings as true today as it did when it was first published in 1940. Writing with a rare mixture of wry cynicism and bonhomie reminiscent of Mark Twain and H. L. Mencken, Fred Schwed, Jr., skewers everyone including himself in his brilliant send-ups of bankers, brokers, traders, investors, analysts, and hapless customers. Critical Praise . . . "How great to have a reissue of a hilarious classic that proves the more things change the more they stay the same. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."--Michael Bloomberg, President, Bloomberg, LP ". . . one of the funniest books ever written about Wall Street."--Jane Bryant Quinn, The Washington Post "Its amazing how well Schweds book is holding up after 55 years. About the only thing thats changed on Wall Street is that computers have replaced pencils and graph paper. Otherwise, the basics are the same. The investors need to believe somebody is matched by the financial advisors need to make a nice living. If one of them has to be disappointed, its bound to be the former."--John Rothchild, Author, A Fool and His Money Financial Columnist, Time magazine "Where Are the C-C-Customers Yachts? is a g-g-great read."--Charles Ellis, Managing Partner, Greenwich Associates "A delightful classic and reminder of excesses past and how little things change."--Bob Farrell, Senior Vice President, Merrill Lynch Where Are the Customers Yachts? "Wall Street, reads the sinister old gag, is a street with a river at one end and a graveyard at the other. This is striking, but incomplete. It omits the kindergarten in the middle, and thats what this book is about." --Fred Schwed, Jr. Written by Fred Schwed, Jr., a professional trader who had the good sense to get out after losing a bundle in the crash of 1929, this hilarious portrait of Wall Street and its denizens rings as true today as it did when it was first published in 1940. Writing with a rare mixture of wry cynicism and bonhomie reminiscent of Mark Twain and H. L. Mencken, Schwed skewers everyone including himself in his vivid depictions of the bankers, brokers, traders, investors, analysts, and hapless customers. Just listen to his take on the conservative banker: The conservative banker is an impressive specimen. In times of stress, when everybody needs money, he strives to avoid lending, but usually makes an exception to the United States government. Likewise, in prosperous times, he is a mighty liberal lender--so liberal that years later unfriendly committees ask him what he thought he was thinking about, and he is unable to remember. . . . or his witty assessment of technical analysis: It is the popular feeling on Wall Street that chart readers are pretty occult professionals but that somehow most of them are broke. "If you have the bad taste to ask [one] how it happens that he is broke, he tells you quite ingenuously that he made the all too human error of not believing his own charts." Its easy to see why, more than a half-century after it first appeared, Where Are the Customers Yachts? continues to be hailed by market insiders as the funniest and most penetrating send-up of Wall Street ever penned. Author Biography Fred Schwed, Jr., was a professional trader who had the good sense to get out after losing a bundle (of mostly his own money) in the 1929 crash. Some years later, Schwed published a childrens book titled Wacky, the Small Boy. Wacky became a bestseller, and Schwed went on to draw further on his experience in writing Where Are the Customers Yachts? His publisher said of him, "Mr. Schwed has attended Lawrenceville and Princeton and has spent the last ten years on Wall Street. As a result, he knows everything there is to know about children." Table of Contents Introduction xiiiJason Zweig Foreword to the 1995 Edition xxiMichael Lewis Introduction to the 1955 Bull Market Edition xxv 1 Introduction – "The Modest Cough of Minor Poet" 3 The Validity of Financial Predictions The Passion for Prophecy When the Bull jumped over the Moon II Financiers and Seers 23 Big Banking – Nice work if you can get it Some Assistant Tycoons The Fruit on the Blossom of Thought Wall Street Semantics Chartists The Pay The Difficulties of "Earning" Money An Art Without a Muse A Little Aptitude Test III Customers – That Hardy Breed 49 Varieties of Customers How to Get Customers Margin What to Do When the Dam Bursts Some Case Histories and a Diagnosis Churning Money as a Career IV Investment Trusts – Promises and Performance 67 Stop Making Your Own Mistakes Where is the Catch? The Hell-Paving Construction Company The Trouble with the "Best" Securities The $750,000 Bird By Way of Apology The Magical Investment Corporation V The Short Seller – He of the Black Heart 87 For the Defense A Different Defense With and Without Bears Bear Raiding VI Puts, Call, Straddles, and Gabble 105 What Options are (More or Less) In Defense of the Pure Gamble The Catch VII The "Good" Old Days and the "Great" Captains 117 The I.Q. of a Big Shot Speculation on Speculation A Brief Excursion into Probabilities Down will Come Baby "They" Manipulators A Bowl of Nickels VIII Investment – Many Questions and a Few Answers 135 Headaches of the Wealthy A Little Wonderful Advice Price and Value – Our Special Market Letter Cash as a Long-Term Investment Your Way of Life and the Basis Book IX Reform – Some Yeas and Nays 153 Was it Stolen or Did you Lose It? Nobody Loves a Specialist Horizons and Limits of Regulation Inconclusions About the Author 171 Review "wonderful book" (Evening Standard, 24 August 2001) Long Description "Once I picked it up I did not put it down until I finished . . . What Schwed has done is capture fully in deceptively clean language the lunacy at the heart of the investment business." From the Foreword by Michael Lewis, Bestselling author of Liars Poker This hilarious portrait of everyday Wall Street and its denizens rings as true today as it did when it was first published in 1940. Writing with a rare mixture of wry cynicism and bonhomie reminiscent of Mark Twain and H. L. Mencken, Fred Schwed, Jr., skewers everyone including himself in his brilliant send-ups of bankers, brokers, traders, investors, analysts, and hapless customers. Critical Praise . . . "How great to have a reissue of a hilarious classic that proves the more things change the more they stay the same. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." Michael Bloomberg, President, Bloomberg, LP ". . . one of the funniest books ever written about Wall Street." Jane Bryant Quinn, The Washington Post "Its amazing how well Schweds book is holding up after 55 years. About the only thing thats changed on Wall Street is that computers have replaced pencils and graph paper. Otherwise, the basics are the same. The investors need to believe somebody is matched by the financial advisors need to make a nice living. If one of them has to be disappointed, its bound to be the former." John Rothchild, Author, A Fool and His Money Financial Columnist, Time magazine "Where Are the C-C-Customers Yachts? is a g-g-great read." Charles Ellis, Managing Partner, Greenwich Associates "A delightful classic and reminder of excesses past and how little things change." Bob Farrell, Senior Vice President, Merrill Lynch Where Are the Customers Yachts? "Wall Street, reads the sinister old gag, is a street with a river at one end and a graveyard at the other. This is striking, but incomplete. It omits the kindergarten in the middle, and thats what this book is about." Fred Schwed, Jr. Written by Fred Schwed, Jr., a professional trader who had the good sense to get out after losing a bundle in the crash of 1929, this hilarious portrait of Wall Street and its denizens rings as true today as it did when it was first published in 1940. Writing with a rare mixture of wry cynicism and bonhomie reminiscent of Mark Twain and H. L. Mencken, Schwed skewers everyone including himself in his vivid depictions of the bankers, brokers, traders, investors, analysts, and hapless customers. Just listen to his take on the conservative banker: The conservative banker is an impressive specimen. In times of stress, when everybody needs money, he strives to avoid lending, but usually makes an exception to the United States government. Likewise, in prosperous times, he is a mighty liberal lender so liberal that years later unfriendly committees ask him what he thought he was thinking about, and he is unable to remember. . . . or his witty assessment of technical analysis: It is the popular feeling on Wall Street that chart readers are pretty occult professionals but that somehow most of them are broke. "If you have the bad taste to ask [one] how it happens that he is broke, he tells you quite ingenuously that he made the all too human error of not believing his own charts." Its easy to see why, more than a half-century after it first appeared, Where Are the Customers Yachts? continues to be hailed by market insiders as the funniest and most penetrating send-up of Wall Street ever penned. Review Text "wonderful book" (Evening Standard, 24 August 2001) Review Quote "wonderful book" (Evening Standard, 24 August 2001) Feature Financiers and Seers. Customers?That Hardy Breed. Investment Trusts?Promises and Performance. The Short Seller?He of the Black Heart. Puts, Calls, Straddles, and Gabble. The Good Old Days and the Great Captains. Investment?Many Questions and a Few Answers. Reform?Some Yeas and Nays. Details ISBN0471119792 Language English ISBN-10 0471119792 ISBN-13 9780471119791 Media Book Format Hardcover Illustrations Yes Year 1995 Imprint John Wiley & Sons Inc Subtitle Or a Good Hard Look at Wall Street Place of Publication New York Country of Publication United States Pages 256 Edition 0003rd Short Title WHERE ARE THE CUSTOMERS YACHTS DOI 10.1604/9780471119791 Series Number 8 UK Release Date 1995-05-04 AU Release Date 1995-02-16 NZ Release Date 1995-02-16 Author Fred Schwed Publisher John Wiley & Sons Inc Series A Marketplace Book Publication Date 1995-05-04 Alternative 9780471119784 DEWEY 332.64273 Audience Professional & Vocational US Release Date 1995-05-04 We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. 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